Do I Really Have To Show You My Vulnerability?
I’d rather share the healing
All my life I have felt like an “outsider.” This was not something I chose. It chose me.
I was never a lonely child, rather the opposite, but I excelled at making people feel I didn’t need help, that I was OK, and that nothing hurt. I have gone my entire life taking care of myself. Not lonely. Not trying to gain sympathy or attract attention, but putting one foot in front of the other to get from here to there as part of my modus operand.
I don’t show my vulnerability, and this has been something I am coming to accept about myself. I can hurt, and I can feel tired by life’s ups and downs, but rather than wear this hurt or fatigue on my sleeve for others to look at, or ask others to help me lift my spirits, I simply do my own thing and quietly repair it. Myself.
I’ve always been like this.
I didn’t know that not showing vulnerability meant there was less for other people to relate to. How could I have known this?
I grew up taking care of my own emotional needs. I don’t know how or why, but I just did. I think I came into this world this way. As a Reiki Master, while helping others, I take this same approach: Don’t come to me for help. I want you to see that you are capable of becoming your own healer. Love yourself as you would love another. Love yourself by taking care of your innermost needs before dumping more grief onto this planet.
The planet is grieving. We are grieving. And we think that by sharing the grief we will fit into some special camp that attracts others to us. That we will help. That we will belong. Because we can now relate to others.
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Grief is powerful. It renders us immobile. It sucks us into the fog and grabs ahold of us until we are too tangled to move. Grief compounds. It manifests. It metastasizes. It is the single most annoying cancer this planet has to deal with. But it doesn’t need to spread. We can stop grief by first lifting it out of ourselves.
Reiki is a powerful tool, but it is not a magic wand. Grief will come to us each and every time we attract grief to ourselves. Wave the wand away. This takes a different set of tools. The mind is a powerful aphrodisiac so we can use the mind to transform ourselves out of grief by limiting our vulnerability.
It's OK not to project to the world that we’re grieving. It’s OK not to lean on the rest of the world for help. It’s OK that we can be strong and self-sufficient. It’s OK to know ourselves and love ourselves and get out of our own way.
Healing isn’t about being vulnerable first. Healing is about acceptance. We need more healers on the planet to help a planet toppling with grief.
And being a healer means we get to do the soul searching this planet needs to help lift ourselves and others out of the density and into the light.